When arguing for a point, one has to determine what the aim is. If the aim is to simply win on points, then argue and build strong reasons. If the aim is to change someone’s behavior, you have to achieve something besides a “win.” You have to move the other party toward a cognitive conclusion that can be can best be described as an “of course.” When an argument is laid out cogently and done in a way that does not produce a “you win” or “I lose” mentality, but rather an “of course” mentality, then the person is in the right place to alter behavior. The goal of most arguments should not be to achieve a “you win,” but rather an “of course.” The two are very different cognitive states.
