God is sometimes described as self-existent (If the via negativa is right, one can’t even make this statement). However, I find the notion of self-existence to be so powerful that I can hardly fathom its implications. I suspect that the term ‘self-existence’ is related to the term ‘ultimate’. God is ultimate; I am incipient. My existence is dependent on ‘Other’.
I find myself unable to escape the mental conundrum that comes with contemplating my extreme dependencies. Traced to their final conclusion, I’m in a place of utter helplessness. I don’t see how philosophy, with all of its vaunted claims, can escape this position. Because I am incipient, I’m limited. Because I’m limited, I cannot claim with authority anything, especially about the ultimate, or self-existent. In a state of utter hopelessness, I’m dependent on Aristotle’s ‘first mover’ to move on my behalf.