More research and more thinking need to be done on the concept of collective weight. In any relationship, there are actions, both positive and negative, impacting the overall status of the relationship. One is likely to get caught in the given particulars of the cycle. But, over time, the collective weight of a series of actions has impact.
For example; a child, who is in rebellion and clashes with his parents, may experience the pleasure and displeasure of those parents. At times, he may feel vilified; at times he may feel loved. But if parents, despite their weaknesses, maintain consistent love over a significant period of time, then the child will feel and know that love.
The same can be said about marriage. Most of us are trapped in the particulars of the cycle. But deep inside, we experience the collective weight of the truth.
Now, this truth may be negative or positive. It might be that our spouse really doesn’t care for us, and finally, despite the sporadic attempts at affection, we realize that we are just being used.
Or, on the other hand, despite the fights and the arguments, we realize that we are being loved. It might be that certain events help to emphasize or skew this feeling of collective weight.
For instance, it could be that a spouse whom we love, but with whom we have had difficulties, suddenly becomes ill, and we draw especially close, knowing that in the final analysis we are committed to each other in the depths of our heart. On the other hand, such a crisis may spark an artificial intensity that wanes rapidly.
I must be careful that the collective weight of my heart is being felt by the people I love. I must believe that, regardless of the immediate circumstances or the way it feels immanently, the people I love will know that they are loved.