Something is developing in me that is difficult to convey. It is a kind of weariness mixed with loneliness – the loneliness comes from realizing that the culture (even the religious culture), is moving far away from my honest theological position. In a crowd of contemporary thinkers, I feel most alone. It is painful, but the combination of this loneliness and weariness provokes in me a kind of solidification. This solidification feels like a protest, even a willingness to “bear arms”.